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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28205466">Dan the Dancer</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Space_gays_that_arent_in_space/pseuds/Space_gays_that_arent_in_space'>Space_gays_that_arent_in_space</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Homestuck</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - No Sburb/Sgrub Sessions, Angst and Porn, Angst and Romance, Break Up, Cunnilingus, Drinking, F/M, Hook-Up, Human Sollux Captor, Humanstuck, Hurt/Comfort, It Switches Between The Present And The Future, Minor Gamzee Makara/Karkat Vantas, Minor Sollux Captor/Feferi Peixes, Overstimulation, POV Alternating, POV Second Person, POV Sollux Captor, Partying, Pegging, Pining, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Present Tense, Sort Of, Sub Sollux Captor</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 01:01:14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,732</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28205466</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Space_gays_that_arent_in_space/pseuds/Space_gays_that_arent_in_space</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>She smiles at you like she knows a secret, and with the way her eyes sort of crinkle at the corners, and how her dimples sink into her face in an almost ominous way, you think she does. She takes a sip from her cup and you notice her lipstick has stained it around the edge. A rusty red, it fits her lips perfectly. </p><p>You wanna fuck her so bad.</p><p>Years down the road, you’ll hold her in your arms in an airport, trying your best not to cry. Her hair will engulf her all the same but this time she’ll smell like the honey shampoo you two share, she whispers something into your chest and you’ll feel yourself crack into shards twofold. She won’t cry, only smile that big smile you’ll come to love eternally, and when she gets on her plane you’ll crumple to the ground and cry in an airport like a toddler.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sollux Captor/Aradia Megido</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Dan the Dancer</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/gothic_gore/gifts">gothic_gore</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>It's literally 2:18 in the morning this is the earliest I've ever finished a fic</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When you see her across the room, you know that you want to take her home. You’ve seen her before, plenty of times, actually, and every time you see her your desire to explore the unknown is made even greater.  She’s got this long dark hair that practically eats her alive and her skin is a pretty shade of brown that makes you wonder what bruises would look sucked into them. What you like most though is her fashion, crushed velvet dress and a lace shirt. This is the goth girl KK was telling you about, the one that you’ve seen on your way to comp sci.
</p><p>You’re absolutely worthless for the way you look at her, and you know this. Worthlessness doesn’t mean that a guy can’t try though, and boy are you wont to try things that you know will fuck you in the end. You expect this particular event to fuck you extra hard, especially when you see that she’s drinking with TZ and VS of all people. They’re almost the worst people you know, almost in the fact that TZ knows how to show pity and you hate yourself just a little bit more than you hate VS. 
</p><p>You focus on the beer in your hand though, the beer and the absolutely inane thing KK is talking about, probably some bullshit about GZ. Everything these days is about GZ, it’s ridiculous. You’ve only met the guy a handful of times but each time that you do you feel like you’re getting a contact high, all the while Karkat bitches at him. You hate them both. They’re gross, showing off how in love they are. He’s been going out with the guy for like two months and you just know that they’re going to become the worst couple you know. Karkat is already a shitty friend as is. You pour your beer into your mouth, watching over the edge of your glasses at the girl. She’s laughing at something VS said, you can tell because TZ’s laughing too and VS’s got this self satisfied expression like she did anything other than being a cunt with her head shoved so far up her own ass it’s a shock she still even exists. 
</p><p>When she laughs you see these dimples pressed into your cheeks and you kind of want to kiss them and you’re appalled that you thought of something so soft over a girl you just wanna put your dick in a few times. You’re just about ready to keel over and die because of it. You don’t keel over and die though, in fact, you stay alive long enough to notice that she’s looking back at you, and you wonder if coming to this party in the first place was a good idea at all, or maybe this was just a plot for your downfall. KK is nearly smart enough to plan it, but with the way he’s drinking you know that he didn’t, and VS is easily smart enough to plan something but she’s too self involved with leading your cousin and your ex fuck buddy on to even spare you a glance for her awful habit of ruining innocent people. So, you conclude, this has to be some sort of plan from capital G God himself. He’s mad that you’re just so much fucking better than him at just about everything you try your spindly hand at than he ever could while still hating yourself enough to make your jerk off sessions nearly feel like a punishment. 
</p><p>She smiles at you like she knows a secret, and with the way her eyes sort of crinkle at the corners, and how her dimples sink into her face in an almost ominous way, you think she does. She takes a sip from her cup and you notice her lipstick has stained it around the edge. A rusty red, it fits her lips perfectly. 
</p><p>You wanna fuck her so bad.
</p><p>Years down the road, you’ll hold her in your arms in an airport, trying your best not to cry. Her hair will engulf her all the same but this time she’ll smell like the honey shampoo you two share, she whispers something into your chest and you’ll feel yourself crack into shards twofold. She won’t cry, only smile that big smile you’ll come to love eternally, and when she gets on her plane you’ll crumple to the ground and cry in an airport like a toddler. 
</p><p>You’ll think about why you didn’t go with her-think about why you couldn’t, and it’ll hurt. You’ll drive home to the apartment you two shared until just today, just a few minutes ago, and you’ll remember where you are now. You will think about the rips in her stockings and what boots she wore and how bad you just wanted to get in her pants, and you’ll wonder what would have happened if you didn’t want to fuck her so bad. 
</p><p>Years down the road, you’ll hold the pillow on her side, the right. You’ll clutch it close to your body and curl around it just like you would curl around her when she was there. You’ll smell it and feel yourself start crying all over again because you will miss her more than your heart ever knew you could miss another person, and the pain you feel is immense. You will know that she won’t be coming back for a long time because of the nature of her departure, and you’ll feel like a fool, the biggest fool. You’ll realize that you’re still as much of an idiot as you were before, if not more so, because now you’re an idiot in love. 
</p><p>You don’t know of these feelings now though, all you know is the pounding in your chest and the ringing in your ears because she’s walking over to you. She’s giving you the possible fuck me eyes, eyes that you don’t get very often because why would you? You lanky fucking nerd. 
</p><p>”Hi,” Her smile is bigger now, less knowing and more enthusiastic. 
</p><p>You feel yourself tensing, and instead of doing anything you drop your stupid mouth open and spit out a hey right back.
</p><p>”Aradia.”
</p><p>”Hey aa” 
</p><p>You don’t know why you did that, not everyone is supposed to be privy to your little nicknames. She could’ve been Aradia, it wouldn’t have been hard to say it, there aren’t even any ses to get yourself caught up on. Instead though, you gave her a nickname right off the bat, and now her eyebrows are all furrowed and she probably thinks you’re an asshole, which you are, but she didn’t need to know that. 
</p><p>”aa?”
</p><p>”aa” 
</p><p>You can’t go back now. An ease settles across her face about the nickname situation and you feel your shoulders slump a little bit. You take another sip of your drink, and you wish you had something stronger. 
</p><p>”I like it. It’s the first nickname anyone’s ever given me!”
</p><p>She laughs and you swear to god you think that you feel your knees tremble for a second. You hate yourself. You hate yourself so much for being such a weak fucking idiot. You’re seriously acting like KK, maybe even TV. You like the way that she laughs? Really? Wow Sollux, that’s so fucking cute you ought to take your beer bottle, break it, and then jam it right down your throat so that you at least are made to suffer while thinking things like this. 
</p><p>AA is still smiling though, and her eyes glint with that same knowing as before. You’re at a loss for what to say exactly, and when you peek into her cup (which isn’t very hard to do when she’s so much shorter than you) you see something so deep red that you swear it could be blood. You know it isn’t though, it can’t be. 
</p><p>”So, who do you know here?”
</p><p>Your lisp is here with a vengeance, barely had any drinks and you’re already going to spit all over yourself. What a grand fucking time, Captor. 
</p><p>It’s awful, you’re awful, everyone knows it already. 
</p><p>”Oh, Vriska brought me here!” 
</p><p>She points to VS like you haven’t been avoiding her since the day you met. The smile on  her face tells you that the two of them are probably better friends than you had expected and that unnerves you something fierce because you know of no reasonable people that willingly associate with VS and TZ let alone at the same time. Maybe aa isn’t a reasonable person, maybe she’s secretly just as terrifying as the two of them. Maybe this is a ploy from VS to fuck with you. Her eyes meet yours and all you can think is that maybe she is fucking crazy and maybe you want to find out. 
</p><p>You’ll find out about a year from now. Aradia will fall into a major depressive episode and you won’t know what to do despite this shit being something you’re supposed to be at least familiar with. Her sister will have done something that she won’t tell you about for a long time, only something that leaves her like the dead. She’ll lie in bed all day despondent and when you talk to her she’ll only talk about the world ending. You’ll be scared of it, scared of how familiar it all sounds. You’ll know the kind of doom she talks about deep in your gut and you’ll lie by her side even when she tells you to go away because you know that you can’t leave her no matter how bad it gets. You’ll think about tonight and how she smiles at you. 
</p><p>You’ll realize that aa is the best possible match for you ever. 
</p><p>You will know even when she breaks things in her studio apartment and throws things so big that if they hit you you’d break, that you love her. You’ll sit there and watch her on the floor as she huffs and puffs and breaks down into these screams that rattle your spirit. You accept it when she asks you to leave and when you see her sitting in the rain with her make up done in week old clothes you’ll take her inside and make sure she’s warm. 
</p><p>You’ll hear stories about Damara and realize that the kind of crazy that Aradia is is something entirely different from what  you had expected and you’ll like her just the way she is. She’ll like you too-love you, and it will be the only love you’ve ever needed. You will hold each other in your darkest hours and feel assured in the knowledge that you have <i>someone</i>. 
</p><p>You and aa drink and talk and drink and talk and drink and talk. Everything that comes out of your mouth is fumbling and gross and everything that comes out of hers makes you wonder if your heart has been replaced by KK’s because that is the only way that you could ever be feeling things like affection over the way that she licks her lips after she takes a drink or even feeling willing to go get her another when she didn’t ask you for one. Her hand touches your arm and it feels cool against you, everyone always does, but this time it’s comforting. You want to know what her palm feels like against yours-and you will now officially be throwing yourself into traffic. AA is saying something to you now, you see her lips moving, and she’s taking a step a little bit closer.
</p><p>”We should go sit somewhere more private!”
</p><p>If you were a weak man, you would take her to a bedroom. 
</p><p>You are a weak man, but she’s the one who takes you to the bedroom. You sit across from her, knees touching as the mattress sinks beneath you. She smells sweet, like candy perfume, you wonder if she picked it herself. You don’t have very long to think about it though, not when she’s leaning in closer to you and you realize you can see the way her shirt drops forward ever so slightly. You wanna knock your teeth in for caring about something like this, but you do. It takes all your effort not to look, but you don’t look, and that’s a win in your book if there ever was one. 
</p><p>”So, Sollux,”
</p><p> The way she says your name makes it sound like it’s some secret, or maybe a spell. You’re obsessed.
</p><p>”aa,”
</p><p>”I’ve seen you around, you like to work with computers, right?”
</p><p>”I’m majoring in programming, and I’m the fucking best at it.”
</p><p>It comes out before you even realize it, it’s something you would say to KK, or TZ, or even Eridan but this was not something that was supposed to come out of your mouth right now. You know you’re great at coding-better than all of your idiot friends at it that’s for sure. Top of your class, only to be outshone by your brother, at least, before his accident. Now MT is someone that you can barely look in the eye without a weird sense of guilt for something you didn’t even do. 
</p><p>She laughs, and when she leans forward her hair covers her in a weird sort of curtain. The candy smell is even stronger now and you know that you stink like the cheap cigarettes you and Karkat smoked in the car while he complained about a paper he’s been writing for the last three days and only turned in right as you two were leaving. You look at her mouth and realize that her lipstick is more faded than it was before and her mouth is so full that you know her lips would easily engulf yours. You like the idea of it, that strange candy smell and all that hair covering you up until you suffocate in it. You don’t make any moves though, you can’t-not yet.
</p><p>You scratch the back of your neck, “What do you do?
</p><p>”I study archaeology. An adventuress needs a wide array of skills to do her job right.”
</p><p>You snort, “I guess”
</p><p>She whacks your arm and grin at her, fucked up teeth and all.
</p><p>She sounds so serious when she says it that you have to believe her. You like her seriousness, even if it is something that you’d find ridiculous out of anyone else. You kind of do already, a drunk girl is telling you that she plans to be a proper ‘adventuress’ and she’s studying archaeology.  You call her the next Indiana Jones and that sends her off on a rant about how she loved the movies as a kid, how she still loves them to this very day. She tells you about how she makes TZ and VS watch them with her whenever they all have the chance and how each film she finds something new to love about it.
</p><p>Years from now, she’s going to tell you about a job offer. She’ll have just finished with her graduate, having focused for so long on her thesis that for a long while your relationship mostly consisted of you two cuddling together in the morning before classes over anything else. It’ll be sweet, cute, something that makes you feel at home. Her shampoo isn’t sugary anymore, instead it’s the subtle sweetness of honey. She’ll sit her laptop in front of you while you’re playing Mortal Combat and smile that big, terrifying smile she does. You’ll read it over, and realize that it’s an offer to work practically halfway across the world. You’ll jump up from your seat, forgetting Mileena and Sub-Zero in favor of grabbing your dear girlfriend in your arms and bringing her close to you. You’ll be proud of her, so fucking proud, both of you with offers right out of your programs (though yours has been a built in offer since you were a baby). 
</p><p>You’ll go out to dinner to celebrate, sex hot as the sex you have tonight. It’s great, it’s all so fucking great, and it will only be when aa has her head rested on your chest, her body curled around your side just like it always does, do you realize it. She’ll be moving halfway across the world, halfway away from you, in your little single dorm and away from your friends. You’ll feel something in your squeeze, tense but not quite enough to crack. 
</p><p>You’ll stroke her hair while she sleeps and you’ll think about all the times that you’ve taken moments like these for granted. You’ll see her again, she’s your girlfriend, but there’ll be this idea in your head that something will change when she goes and that change will be something that you just can’t take. 
</p><p>You somehow end up on the bed, laid out beside her with your noses brushing against each other. She’s giggling at something you said, it was stupid, and before you know it you’re pressing your mouth against hers. Her lips are full and you find that the lipstick you’ve seen coming off on cup after cup tonight comes off on your lips just as easily. She tastes like shitty red wine and make up and you never thought you’d like a taste like that, then again, there are a lot of things about her that you usually hate in people. Her plain sincerity, her optimism, her genuine love for life, her appreciation of death. All of them would be something you’d hate had it been in just about any other person. Her hands run up and down the fabric of your t shirt and just as you try to slot yourself between her legs she straddles you. You let out this half surprised sound and when she giggles you feel almost embarrassed with yourself. She’s taken charge the rest of the way, why not now?
</p><p>She presses you down by your shoulders and when you feel the pressure of her on your stomach you feel like you can’t breathe in the best possible way. You hands find their way to her ass and you grab handfuls that really make you wonder if you’re going to fuck this girl you just met in a random bedroom at some shitty house party. You’re a little beer drunk and she’s definitely drunk off of all the weird drink combinations TZ offered her. She takes your lip between your teeth and she nips you good enough to make you sure she drew blood. You can feel her panties through her dress and all you want is to get an up close look at them. 
</p><p>She pulls away from you and for a second you’re sure she’s realized what she’s doing and that the beef goggles are obviously about to come off and she’ll realize that you’re totally not deserving of a piece of ass like her. Instead, she dives down and starts sucking marks into your neck. The way that she moves when she does gives you somehow a better grip at your ass and all you want to do is get your dick out of your pants. While she’s kissing your neck her hand reaches back and her hand starts rubbing at the obvious bulge in your pants. You let out a low groan from the back of your throat and she smiles against your jugular. You realize that she could rip it out. 
</p><p>”Do you maybe want to go back to my place?” 
</p><p>Her voice is low and sweet and all you can do is nod, open mouthed and at her mercy completely. 
</p><p>”Great! I just wanted to ask one question, how do you feel about anal play?”
</p><p>She gets this glint in her eye and your heart stops, you feel just like you did when she had her teeth against your neck. This time though, you have a feeling that this is something that will lead to something unexpected, just like the rest of the night. 
</p><p>”I’m fine with it. Not the kind of guy who hasn’t taken a thing or two in his ass”
</p><p>”Sollux, I know we just met tonight, but do you maybe want to go back to my place and...well, can I fuck you?”
</p><p>It feels like all of the air has been knocked out of you, and you feel indulged by it. Fuck, of course this is what would happen to you of all people. Of course you’d meet some goth girl who wants to fuck you in the ass at a party. No wonder she hangs out with VS and TZ, they’re totally the types to be into something like that. You nod despite yourself and prepare yourself mentally the same that you would back when you used to take other shit up the ass.
</p><p>You’ll be on skype one night when you two break up. It’ll have been a long time coming, you two will have known it for a long time coming. You won’t want to, actually you’ll have been putting it off for about three months. 
</p><p>You’ll see her, hair tied up in a ponytail and in her gear, beautiful as always. Your heart will ache because you’ll know she’s busy and you have an early morning tomorrow. You won’t talk about anything important, really just words to fill the air because you’re too much of a fucking coward to tell her that you know long distance isn’t working, that it hasn’t worked the same since she left, that you miss her and don’t want to lose her. You’ll see how cold she’s become and you’ll wonder where all that warmth went, you’ll try not to cry when you address her. 
</p><p>She’ll be the one to do it instead of you and you’ll feel all the weaker for it. She’ll tell you that it isn’t working and you’re both wasting your time and all the sense of doom that will have followed you all day will come crashing down. You’ll nod like you agree, that you’ve come to accept it just like she has. You’ll know that she’s always been so much better at accepting the death of things than you are, and when you hang up the skype call you’ll fall to pieces worse than you did in the airport. All you’ll want is her in your arms-to have her back, but you can’t and you know that. You’ll start on all of your old projects, throw yourself into your work, and when you mass text all your friends that you broke up they mourn it like aa died. 
</p><p>You’ll decide to “stay friends” which really is just a code word for keeping the same friends and dealing with each other through acting like the other doesn’t exist. At least, that’s what it’ll mean to aa, and she won’t text you unless you text her first. You’ll know that she misses you like you miss her, and you’ll pray for the day that she comes back like you didn’t renounce God in the back of a church when you were fourteen years old. 
</p><p>You go back to aa’s student apartment that she shares with VS and TZ and when she takes you to her room the whole thing smells like vanilla and lavender. Her bed is small but covered in soft looking blankets. It’s red and black all over and you realize that aa is a lot more morbid than you thought with all the bones and black lace and pressed bugs she has strewn about her room. She climbs into your lap before you can think much more on it and her lips are back on you. You know that you’re covered in her lipstick, you knew it when KK looked at you with raised eyebrows as you followed her right out of the house the party was in. She presses herself against you and when her tits are on your chest you want them in your hands. You bring your hands to the little buttons on the back of her dress and start pulling at them. They’re small and complex but your fingers are spindly and clever from years of putting together pcs. Who would have thought that your shitty hobby for virgins would’ve done you so much good for activities that are not in fact for virgins. 
</p><p>You get the dress off and her top follows, her bra is this lacy thing with so many straps that she ends up having to undo it herself. Her tits are huge and all you want is to press your face into them, instead you take them into your hands and grope. She lets out this laugh that sounds like a sigh. You mouth at her neck like she mouthed at yours and suck a fresh hickey right at the base of her tit. She pulls you off her neck before you can do much more damage and you realize that the predatory smile on her face never once left. She has you by the hair and you look up at her, her hair is still surrounding her and her dress is around her waist. You’re surrounded by the smell of <i>her</i> and you’re intoxicated.
</p><p>”You need to get cleaned up.”
</p><p>You nod, not even in a position to argue anymore, and when she directs you to her bathroom with a bottle of lube and a water bottle. you can’t help but think about how you got here. You met a nice girl at a shitty party and now she’s going to fuck you in your ass with a dildo. You come out to her with greased up fingers and a loose asshole. She greets you with a giant, bright red strap on and a smile. 
</p><p>You sit down on the bed and she goes right between your legs, spreading your thighs wide as she kisses you. You feel like you’re getting topped and you guess you are, it’s so fucking weird to imagine that you nearly burst out laughing, you don’t though. Not when you can feel her fingertips dragging against your inner thigh and her tongue forcing its way into your mouth. You fall back for her easily and your hands find their way at her waist. When she climbs up between your legs proper you feel the cold of her strap on press against your inner thigh and something about that has you half hard already. You watch as she covers the thing in lube and almost faster than you realize the tip is pushing right past the rim of your asshole. Her hand on your dick is soft and she somehow already knows how to move just the way you like. You’ve never been fucked by anyone until tonight and you’re horrified to find how much you like it, more specifically how much you like her.
</p><p>She thrusts into you a little forward and the noise you let out is horribly embarrassing. You’re an embarrassing guy, you realize. Her kisses have moved into becoming hickeys yet again and that black hair drapes around the both of you like a curtain instead of just herself. In the darkness of her room, covered in red and black satin blankets, you feel like you’ve been taken in by the angel of death and brought to a pleasure you would have never known if you decided to be more of a prick than usual.
</p><p>There will come a day where you two really will be in your own private world, one you built together in a shitty one bedroom with brown shower water and no heating. She’ll cuddle with you on fall nights right between your legs while you work on a code for some class that you have an incompetent professor for. In the summer you’ll lay on the ground together in the heat and she’ll listen to you complain about how it has no right being so god forsakenly hot. You two will spend your days in that apartment being the kind of couple who kisses in the kitchen and fucks each other over then bathroom sink.
</p><p>The couch you two buy together when you stain the old one in blue and red popsicle too many times will be the first real purchase you make as a couple outside of the apartment, and the couch will come to represent everything your relationship means to you. Instead of the bedroom, you become attached to the living room-to the couch-to her. She is your world and though you may not be with her always you will always be in her orbit. You will love her more than you thought you were possible of feeling and even though you’ll make fun of your friends for saying things like that out loud you’ll know how they feel and feel all the more disgusting for it.
</p><p>She fucks into you and the sounds you make are embarrassing, your hands are wrapped around her and your dick is pressed into the pudge of her stomach and you know you’re going to do this again because you feel so fucking good. She hits your prostate like she’s a fucking professional and you lean up to suck a hungry mark into her neck. She’s letting out these cute little grunts that tell you how much she’s loving this and you wonder what makes a girl want to shove a thick piece of silicon up your ass but you guess you’re the kind of guy who likes the silicon in his ass with the way you’re moaning for her. You should be embarrassed, more than embarrassed actually, you should want to fucking die. Instead, you press your face in the crook of her neck and let her doll out this electrifying sensation that goes right to where your dick is pressed against the flesh of her stomach. She pants above you and when you glance at where her cock meets you you feel your own twitch.
</p><p>You grind against her and she pauses, almost like she wants to stop you, but instead she starts fucking you harder and you start to wonder if maybe is God is real and you’re seeing him for the first time. The final hit she lands on your prostate is what sends you over the edge, coming all over the both of your stomachs. You go practically blind for a second and you swear you can’t feel your legs. It’s almost too much, especially when she keeps fucking you through your orgasm. You swear you’re going to cum again and you’re near tears when she finally pulls out with a wet, sloppy noise. She’s panting and when she leans back on her calves you immediately pounce on her. It takes you a while to get the strap off but when you do you’re presented with Aradia, soaking wet between the thighs and watching you like she owns you. You like the look in her eyes, the power she has over you. You lick up what you can, savoring the taste before you dive in. Two fingers and a tongue piercing have never led you astray before and if they do this time you’ll just have to slice your stupid fucking tongue off. 
</p><p>Apparently, you won’t have to be clipping your tongue off anytime soon, not with the way Aradia moans your name like it’s some sort of summoning incantation and had you not come so hard so recently. You grip her thighs with your hands and when her legs wrap around you you think about dying in all the best ways. Your fingers fuck in and out of her and you can feel the strap-on stabbing into your side while Aradia bucks up against your face. She cums so hard you can taste it and all you do is sit there and lap it up till there’s nothing left. She pants above you and you give a soft, faint kiss to her inner thigh before setting her legs down. When you lay beside her she almost immediately puts your hand over her heart, it’s beating so fast. Yet again she’s smiling, and you find it a little infectious.
</p><p>You’ll try to move on from her, really, you will. You’ll go on shitty blind dates and fuck guys and girls who really don’t do much for you other than maybe momentarily make you wonder how a shitty fuckass like you deserved her at all. You’ve always been the worst, and it was only so long before she would find out, then she did, so you’ll be all alone. 
</p><p>Your suffering is something immense and painful, something that makes you wonder if you’ll ever really love again, and then you’ll meet FF. You’ll meet her at a birthday lunch, her own birthday lunch, and when you’ll get to feel a faint sort of warmth in your chest. It won’t be anything like the way aa made you feel, but it’ll be something. Something warm and good and it will make you feel  a little less worthless for a little while. You’ll argue with Eridan over her and how he’s been in love with her for years, it won’t really matter to you. All that will matter is this newfound sense of complacency, but complacency is not the same thing as love. Complacency is just what keeps the self loathing at bay, until you end up realizing that it’s complacency. Then you hate yourself even more. FF is a nice girl, she’s so nice, and she makes you happy, but never happy enough. 
</p><p>You’ll think about aa every moment of every day and when you two interact you’ll feel a loss so profound that you know your wound will never heal.
</p><p>You and aa clean up, and when you two get settled under her blankets you curl around her just like you will for the next five years. 
</p><p>Aradia Megido is a girl who loves death and decay and finds her joys in adventure, you meet her at a shitty frat party full of people who you love but don’t like, she fucks you in the ass in her apartment, and from that night onward she will be the great love of your life. Never once will you be over her, and every day after, big moment or small, you will wait to return to her side.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi kudos, comments, etc are greatly appreciated and there is a 99% chance that if you comment I'll reply.</p><p>@tamyura__on twt<br/>@porcelain_babies on insta</p></blockquote></div></div>
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